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2002-03-25 | 9:33 a.m.

My dog is missing. Duff left the side gate open for hours yesterday while he took the kids out bike riding. Nobody told me. The kids told me this morning when I couldn't find her.

She is old. She is very old and fragile and I don't think she could survive a cold night outside. I've looked all over the house for her. I realize that she could have just died somewhere. It could be a coincidence that the gate was left open. But I haven't found her yet.

I keep listening for the sound of her nails clicking on the wood floors. It is so strange to have my dog just disappear. The animal shelter doesn't open until 10. I called them first thing this morning and left a message with the answering service. If they have her, it's going to cost a lot of money to get her out.

Last night I watched the Academy Awards, including the pre-show, from four o'clock on. I didn't think about not giving her dinner because I was watching my show and, after all, there are five people living in this house. But I still feel guilty for not noticing that she wasn't around. She sleeps for hours at a time in the basement so it's not that unusual to go without seeing her for a long time.

I have never been as good to her as I should have been. In the old days it was because I didn't have a back yard, so she couldn't run free. That was a constant source of guilt to me at the time. Then I had kids and I couldn't pay as much attention to her. Then we moved here, and I felt better because there was a back yard, and I know it made her happy. But eventually she developed this incontinence problem, which made us want to keep her out of the living areas as much as possible. I have to remind myself to pet her once in a while, and then I rush to wash my hands afterward.

I just wanted her to live out her days in relative comfort. I didn't want her to die of hypothermia, or get hit by a car, or be destroyed by some animal control officer because she snarled at him when he captured her.

I have looked around for her, I have called the shelter, and I can't think of anything else to do. I think she would have come home by now if she could. Even though she is 14 years old, if that damn side gate were open, she would opt for the adventure and damn the consequences. Because that's the kind of dog she's always been.

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