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2001-12-14 | 2:09 p.m.

It's a good thing I had kids by accident. I could never have done it otherwise. I'm absolutely convinced I would have talked myself out of it.

Do you really want to cook dinner 4-7 nights per week for the next two decades? The answer, inevitably, would have been no. Cooking's never been my thing. Feeding two people wasn't a very big deal, because if you really screwed up and nobody got dinner, so what? But feeding five people always takes thought and effort. You can't expect little children to skip dinner just because you can't get your act together.

The fact is, I enjoy my children for what seem like all the worst reasons; all the reasons people shouldn't have children. I liked looking at them when they were little, and cuddling them, because they're so darn cute. I enjoy showing them off, too, like dancing bears, dressing them up and bragging about their accomplishments--living vicariously through them, naturally. I like telling them how the world works and I like to think that, as long as I have children, someone will love me when I'm old. These are all reasons that would prompt a 15-year-old to have a child. Not a grown-up.

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