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2001-12-13 | 2:28 p.m.

Okay, I managed to calm down enough to write something (calm) to the list about Israel. I feel better.

Now, on to that holiday newsletter. What should I say? Should I write about Israel? Maybe I should write about the water crisis. That'll have 'em rolling in the aisles. Seriously, my life is so boring. Almost everything I do is dictated by the needs and desires of my children. I get up in the morning because of my children and I go to bed at night because of them. Should I write that I cry myself to sleep sometimes because I'm lonely? I found a copy of the newsletter I wrote to friends in 1996. I don't even know if I mailed it to anyone. But I wrote:

I'm so busy I go to bed hungry and wake up tired. The babies are great companions (most of the time!), fun and interesting to be with, and of course they help me see the world much differently. And Duff makes my whole world brighter by being my best friend and taking care of me and believing in me and having long, drawn-out, meandering conversations with me late at night. That's how we put the babies to sleep!

Sounds like I was on some serious anti-depressants, doesn't it? Yikes. Please notice and mention it if I suddenly turn into that person again. But my real point is that I said we talked ourselves to sleep at night, and I can't even remember if that's true. But I can tell you that we don't do it now. We don't even say goodnight. I just go to bed by myself and Duff comes in whenever he gets off the computer, after I'm asleep. Home with the kids all day, I crave companionship when they are in bed. At work with the grownups all day, he wants to be left alone. A classic tale.

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