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2001-11-13 | 10:39 p.m.

I have the hiccups. Will you scare me, please?

Felony always asks me to do that. Of course, it doesn't work. What I really need to do is take a long drink off a short pier.

Duff is in Las Vegas, for Comdex. I was supposed to go, but I bailed. I bailed even before 9/11, but he didn't take me seriously. He thought he could talk me into it. I knew my mother couldn't handle the kids for three days straight. Especially not Jasper, who still hasn't weaned. I begin to think he never will. We have long, philosophical discussions about whether or not he should still be nursing. At any moment I expect him to invoke Nietzsche, Mill, Hegelian ethics. I have read that Albert Einstein drank breast milk every day of his life. Hard to believe, but who knows? I can only hope that at a certain point, he stopped getting it from his mother.

I did not want to go to Las Vegas to gamble. Gambling doesn't interest me. I worked in a casino. I practically grew up in casinos, though not in Vegas. What I wanted to do was see the Cirque du Soleil water show, the Star Trek Enterprise simulation, the wedding chapels, the new art gallery, and the overall haute fakerie. I haven't been there since I was a teenager, before they built most of the outrageous spectacles that Vegas is known for now.

Still not feeling like myself. Did my whole workout today for the first time, though. Maybe that's why I'm not half asleep as I write this. I also turned in a restaurant reviews just minutes ago. It was due on Sunday, but hey. Given my track record lately, this is looking good.

Seriously, I'm ready to drop out. I've had this feeling so many times I can't even tell you, and here it comes again. It's always the same: I want to drop out of sight, change my phone number, change my e-mail address, and put my kids in a different school. I'd change my name if it wasn't too much trouble. Just drop off the face of the planet as far as everyone else is concerned. I don't know why this appeals to me so strongly, but it's a real longing and I have gone through with it in the past. People seem so baffled when you do it, and they want you to explain yourself, but I don't know of any explanation beyond what I've said here. What am I supposed to say---I just wanted to get as far away from you and everybody else as I possibly could. No offense.

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