new old more book profile blog rings host

prev earth and space science next
2002-11-07 | 2:33 p.m.

We were talking about Bill and Tess, Duff's brother and sister-in-law, and their incipient baby. Jasper kept referring to the baby as a him.

"Actually," I said, "the doctor thinks it's going to be a girl."

"Thinks?" Criminy snapped suspiciously, as if this uncertainty should be taken as a sign of incompetence.

We have been studying science in earnest since we started homeschooling. Earth and space science, the human body, plant life, the works. The teaching moments come fast and furious, and I decided that this would be a useful lesson.

I explained that the doctor was trying to determine the baby's sex by taking a picture through Tess's belly; that this picture is variously called an ultrasound and a sonogram; and that using this method, there's really only one way to tell the baby's sex..."

"Oh!" Criminy interrupted. "I know."

"Oh? What is it?"

Criminy pointed to her crotch in a vulgar manner. "Down there," she said, in a loud, mysterious voice redolent of Scooby Doo's Velma.

"What do you mean, exactly?" I said, wanting to move beyond the euphemisms.

"We-e-ll, it's just that boys have penises, and girls have uranuses."

It took me a full five minutes of laughing before I could catch my breath and straighten her out. I'm still not sure she understands, but I guess it doesn't really matter. Soon enough, she'll be asking me what do the Star Trek Enterprise and toilet paper have in common, and I'll know my work is done.

prev archive next

if you're not reading mawm you're not reading me