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2000-11-04 | 21:44:32

Okay, I'm not throbbing with enthusiasm, exactly, but changes are being made. Having jettisoned my career, I am now a novelist by default. I should start writing any moment now. Less work to do, sister is sober, mother is out of town for 10 days. Even Frank is out of the country. So--nothing much to whine about. Now Is the Time for All Good Men to Come to the Aid of Their Senses. If I don't manage to write something now, then I'm definitely loserbait and ought to hang up my thimble forever.

Jesus! My back itches. It itches all the time now. Makes me think I have skin cancer.

I got my tape from the the Anxiety Center today. I feel sheepish for requesting a free tape from this stress relief place, and meanwhile Maxine is taking Celera, whatever that is, because she apparently thinks she's crazy. If she's crazy, then I'm NUTS. What's wrong with being a little off the wall? Christ. She also took over the book review, and agreed to write half the reviews herself for $250. Which proves she is out of her mind.

We would just about have to be living in our car before I'd agree to those terms. I don't know what she's thinking. Actually, I do know, because she told me, basically, that the reviews are supposed to be shorter, and I said that's not necessarily easier to write, and she said it is if you don't read the whole book. So I'm thinking What, you're going to be exploited and sacrifice your credibility?

At this point in my life, I would never agree to that. When it comes to work, I want there to be a progression. I don't want to feel like I'm getting older and working harder for less money. They tell me the economy is strong, so there's no incentive to take on a gig like that.

Okay, enough about that. I did tell her "I don't approve" so she knows how I feel. And now she's on medication. I suppose next she'll be summering in the loony bin. Though she did tell me that she, too, is writing. Or should I say SHE is writing and I'M not. This feels like writing but it really isn't. What should I write? Something old, or something new? Something borrowed, or something blue? I have one of each.

Damn, I have to go return videos.

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