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2001-10-17 | 9:00 a.m.

Wow, another grim news day. Israeli minister assassinated, Israel suspends contact with Palestinian authority because of it, 29 staffers in Senate Majority Leader Daschle's office test positive for anthrax. Hard to feel optimistic about anything today.

I find myself seriously wondering if Duff's job is "safe." It's not the first time I've thought about it, but I can't say it's a persistent concern. He has seniority; he's good at what he does. But the company just cut another employee who had been there for 15 years. Apparently because she became too expensive to maintain. If everything goes to hell, will people still want advice on what computers to buy for their companies? Surely they will.

Thinking I should grow my own vegetables. I worry about contamination of the water supply.

We are in a better position than many people if the country were to go into a deep recession or depression. Duff's parents bought our house outright and we pay them below-market rent on it. So as long as the taxes are paid, no one will come to kick us out. That alone has given me more peace of mind than any other condition or event ever has in my entire life. Before that I was a regular renter for many years, relocating every year or two, and used to work myself up into a frenzy over whether I'd be able to pay the rent, whether the landlord was planning to kick us out, or raise the rent, or whatever. I mean, I cried and fussed and made myself sick over it. I hated landlords and I hated looking for a new place to rent---not least of all because, for many years, I had THREE DOGS. Now I have just one dog and she is very old. After she is gone, I'm not sure we will get another dog for a couple of years. It's such a huge commitment and I am trying to stop taking on new ones whenever possible. That reminds me, I should go feed those damn fish. The fish that everybody told me would live about two weeks have now persisted for three full months, even after I forgot to feed them for about four days.

Speaking of taking on new commitments, I just remembered that I dreamed this morning that another parent (she of the God-bless-you answering machine) had asked me to drive her kid home after school every day, and I said yes even though I was also functioning as an advisor to the president. Only the president was Martin Sheen, not George W. Bush. So I was watching my three kids plus Faith---who is, I admit, easy to handle---in some big office while being simultaneously called over to the conference table by Sheen to offer my opinion (which was, naturally, more compelling and spot-on than anyone else's).

Also, if you're really into dream analysis, I should mention that the White House (or whatever it was, may have been a mere gubernatorial mansion or somesuch at this stage of the dream) was sinking into the ground, possibly as a result of nefarious activity, and we alone knew this because (bypassing security?) our normal way of entering the building was by crawling under the porch.

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