prev binaries next
2001-07-29 | 10:20 a.m.

Okay, maybe I got a little carried away in my last entry. People have their s*xual f*ntasies, even me. They're not all pretty. Even mine. I don't have to like them all. I wish that particular one would go away, but if the fantasists confine themselves to what are almost certainly faked Internet p*rn pictures, then I suppose I can be cool about that.

I just don't really want to participate, you know? I don't want that to come here. I don't want to be bookmarked on the grubby computer brimming with inc*st p*rn that gets seized by the Peoria police department. But short of taking down the diary altogether, such decisions are out of my hands.

Except I can still shout at the p*rverts: Go away! Be gone! Hie thee hither, freakazoid!

Also, I can do this thing with the ast*risks, which presumably throws off the Google searches.

Okay, what else. Let's move on. This subject distresses me. I know, I'll write about the "fair" we went to on Saturday that was chockablock with religious claptrap. Internet p*rnography and religious claptrap: two great tastes that taste great together. My niece Bambi conned me into going to this thing. Not that I blame her; she didn't know. My Mom's neighbor was urging her to take all the kids. Anyway, she told me it was a "health fair," so I was thinking, you know, we'd get our blood pressure taken and maybe the kids would get fingerprinted by the police. We weren't even sure about the fingerprinting, since Duff is a closet-libertarian privacy fanatic, but Bambi is the sort of person who worries semi-continuously about her kids being kidnapped, so I figured she would pressure me to do it.

So we get there and it's actually a Health and Human Services fair, with all the city and county welfare agencies set up at tables under tents, while at the same time somehow or other every evangelical church in the area has gotten involved. Sort of makes you wonder whatever happened to the separation of church and state, not that anybody wants to be a party pooper. So the kids kick a soccer ball through a plywood sign a couple of times and then get in line to try out the inflated slide. Only come to find out, all the inflated playthings are being shut down for an hour, for "lunch and a sermon."

While all this is going on, there is a gospel rap group singing and they are terrible. I don't mean to say it was terrible because it was religious or because it was rap, I mean it was just plain bad. Which is pathetic when you consider that there are hundreds, maybe thousands, of talented rappers in this town. According to my sources, anyway. My nephew used to be really into rap, and had lots of friends who were rappers, and got this appalling and crudely drawn tattoo on his arm of a piggy bank fronting an enormous dollar sign. One of many tattoos, actually.

Anyway, we ended up going across the street to the Intertribal Pow Wow, which was completely unrelated to the Health and Human Services fair, and that was a lot more fun. We had Indian bread tacos and watched people in elaborate costumes do a friendship dance. That was much more to my taste. I decided as a child of the seventies it is high time I started wearing turquoise jewelry again. Then later on we went to a barbecue at Frank and Fiona's, and Frank made his trademark jerk chicken, as well as black-eyed peas, grilled salmon, marinated grilled pork, fruit salad, and steamed sweet potatoes.

Which reminds me that I am trying to figure out what food to have and what games to play at the girls' sixth birthday party, coming up next month. If you have any good ideas, let me know.

prev archive next
0 comments