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2002-07-07 | 1:19 a.m.

The Grout Wizard � Danville, CA 925-866-5000
The Grout Wizard Company offers grout restoration services for both residential and commercial markets. The Grout Wizard will come to your home or place of business and offer a free evaluation of your grout needs, including repair, replacement, cleaning and sealing. And, we can magically change the color of your existing grout or tile and leave your grout virtually stain proof. If you have "Happy Tile and Wicked Grout" call the Grout Wizard. (Formerly Grout Doctor)

Some part of me really wants to know what would compel a person to change the name of their business from "Grout Doctor" to "Grout Wizard." I've been puzzling over it for weeks. Not continuously, mind you, just every time I see the ad in the Home & Garden section of the Chronicle.

I am sorely tempted to call the Grout Wizard and ask about it. I can't imagine anyone doing it for whimsical reasons, because changing a company name is a hassle. Would someone really decide they no longer wish to be vaguely associated in people's minds with surgery and malpractice when they could be vaguely associated with fantasy role-playing games, Wicca, and Harry Potter? And then of course there is always the lingering association with grout. Can't shake the grout thing at all.

The only thing I can figure is that there must have been another Grout Doctor whose territory began to encroach on the Danville Grout Doctor's. Maybe there was even a lawsuit, and Grout Wizard lost. That would be a drag. You're just going along, doing your grout work, you give your business a pretty pedestrian name that no one seems to have taken, and you get slapped with a lawsuit. Even if your legal standing is good, there's still the hassle of making court dates and missing work. You can't really hurry and get caught up on grout cleaning. It pretty much takes a set amount of time to do.

And one day, you're the Grout Wizard. You think about having the sign shop paint a little caricature of you, wearing a tall peaked cap, on the side of your light-utility truck. You work hard to make sure people know about the switch. You're not ashamed of who you used to be. You were the Grout Doctor! Everybody knew your name!

***

Sunday's New York Times reports that the U.S. government is planning to vaccinate 500,000 government and health care workers against smallpox. According to the article, experts believe there is a good chance that Iraq has "weaponized smallpox" and would use it against the U.S.

Up until recently, there was serious talk about destroying the remaining stocks of smallpox virus this year, despite concerns that it would compromise the U.S.'s ability to develop vaccine in sufficient amounts to combat an epidemic. Smallpox was declared 'eradicated' in 1980 by the World Health Organization. It is known that the Russians developed weaponized smallpox for germ warfare. (Hard to believe the U.S. wouldn't follow suit, though I have no evidence to support the assumption.)

***

I was very happy tonight when Jasper said, "Wow, we've had a big day" and suggested we go inside for a rest. Usually there is never enough going on to really satisfy him (not that he complains overmuch). But today we were really doing things together, the way he likes. He helped me work on the house and we did quite a bit of gardening together. We repotted some plants, ran an area sprinkler, staked up a wild rose bush, and pulled a few big nasty weeds. I know I'm doing everything wrong and at the wrong time of year. I'm actually planning to spend the next six months plotting out EVERYTHING I want to do in the garden, plus WHEN and HOW to do it properly. I'll get the kids involved and it will be part of our homeschool adventure. I know other people could do this in a week, but not me.

Anyway, Jasper fell asleep in the armchair just as I was putting dinner on the table.

I'm especially excited because tonight I learned about the California Native Plant Society and I joined my local chapter (okay, I need to send them a check, which won't happen until I get paid in about two weeks, but still). It's so cool because I had been trying to learn about native plants on my own--which would have expanded my six months to six years. This is so much better. Also checked into the California Native Grass Association. I'm definitely going to put in some of these. I don't know why I get so interested in this stuff, but I really really do. And I am the absolute worst gardener in the world. I used to say 'I have a black thumb'--now I just say I have 'no thumb'. I am the thumbless gardener. As nicknames go, it is not as much fun as you would think. Would much rather be, you know, 'the barefoot contessa.' But I guess it beats 'Grout Wizard.'

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