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2002-06-24 | 10:04 a.m.

The show's tightrope and trapeze acts provided dramatic moments, but the most riveting of all was a pre-dinner speech by John Kevin Hines, a 20-year- old toy store employee who was another of the night's honorees.

In September 2000, suffering from bipolar disorder, he tried to kill himself by jumping off the Golden Gate Bridge. The moment he jumped, he said, "I knew I wanted to live." He broke his back hitting the water, but survived the 25-story fall and now counsels teens. "I've been given a second chance at life," he said. "I have to help people."

[From Carolyne Zinko's Celebrating the Circus of Life, S. F. Chronicle, June 9, 2002]

I always wondered about that. I had suspected that many who take the leap experience jumper's remorse, but here is proof. Most people who jump off the bridge die, of course, remorse or no:

The Golden Gate Bridge, which connects San Francisco to Marin County, is the number-one location for suicides in the United States. The San Francisco side of the bridge is longer than the Marin County side, so more attempts are made from the San Francisco portion of the bridge. Jumps are almost always fatal. Records show that, of the more than 1,000 confirmed falls from the Golden Gate Bridge, only 13 people have been known to survive a jump since the bridge opened in May of 1937. [From Trauma Foundation's Profile of Injury in San Francisco]

Suicide has never been a fascination of mine. I've only rarely gotten to a place where I can fathom what leads people to undertake it. One of my most strongly held beliefs is that Things will get better. They always do. Pure faith on my part, perhaps, but the numbers are with me.

By that I don't mean that bad conditions will necessarily evaporate, only that if we don't kill ourselves, our outlook will improve eventually. There will still be something worth experiencing.

I used to tell my friends, if anybody ever tells you I killed myself, investigate!

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