prev wishing well next
2002-06-13 | 6:42 p.m.

My nephew is getting married in August, in Las Vegas. Already you have a good idea of what kind of person he is, just knowing that he chose, for no apparent reason, to marry in Las Vegas in August. Damien is not a horrible person, strictly speaking, but he is known for doing reprehensible things that arise out of his nearly seamless narcissism. Even when he is being kind, there is a little clicking noise that you will hear if you stand very close to him, and if that noise were speaking English, instead of clicking, it would be saying, "What's in it for me?"

Anyway, sprinting for the point here, I've got my feathers in a bunch because Damien wants everyone to give him money for his wedding. It might sound almost practical if he didn't have such a reputation for being an enormous greedhead who constantly tries to con his family into making large cash expenditures on his behalf, or else tries to pressure them into co-signing a loan that everybody knows he will default on, and so on. He told me yesterday that he plans to have a "wishing well" at the wedding, and my stomach turned over. He said, "My buddy had one, and it was cool." Yes, I wanted to say, but does your buddy have a reputation for being an enormous greedhead?

Actually, that's not quite what I wanted to say. Instead, I wanted to say something really petulant, such as, "Fine. You have your tacky wedding, and I'll stay home, since we do not really have the money to schlep everybody out to Las Vegas only to be hit up for more money for your WISHING WELL, which I strongly suspect will only end up going toward the fucking five thousand dollar rims you picked out two weeks ago for your new Suburban."

But I didn't say any of that. I just told myself it was really none of my business, and it doesn't reflect badly on me, after all, and I am just feeling peeved because my offer to throw a shower was rebuffed (his fiance didn't even know what a shower WAS, can you believe that??), and also my suggestion that they consider registering at Crate and Barrel. Originally, they were planning to register at Target, but after people in my family made some snarky comments (yes, I did make one of those snarky comments, but I was joking, and I immediately took it back! And besides, Diane and Bambi went there way before me), they thought they would register somewhere else, though they weren't interested in anything too fancy, which is when I suggested Crate & Barrel. But instead, they want a wishing well.

What is it with people not wanting to have anything nice? What is so threatening about nice things? I've heard this so many times lately, and I don't understand it. It's not as if they're opposed to the idea of registering because it's distasteful to them, they're just opposed to the idea of registering for nice things. They only want schlock, because schlock is what they want to use. It's not as if these people are fucking Buddhists. And it's not like you're obligated to go to Macy's and pick out Middle-Class Special #2.

Erf, gotta go.

prev archive next
0 comments