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next Thinking a lot lately about how important it is that I manage to write and sell my screenplay for six figures. Otherwise, if and when Duff goes to law school, I'll have to make serious money all day every day for three-plus years. But I don't want to go work in an office in San Francisco, no matter how empowering the recognition from my co-workers or how relaxing the ferry ride or how delectable the bistro sandwiches. It's not just because I'm lazy and hate to get up early, though that's certainly a big part of it. The biggest issue is the grind and the responsibility: I'll have to make enough money to support all five of us plus pay for day care for three kids. Why should it come to that if I'm capable of avoiding it by doing what I'm supposed to do? I don't want to put my kids in day care if I don't have to (though while we're on the subject I'd be awfully happy to find a Friday-night babysitter who isn't related to me, so I don't have to lean on my family every time). Plus my own writing will go straight down el sewer pipe of life just like los New York alligators. This boastful talk sounds so ridiculous, in a certain way, but I really believe I have to think this way to achieve big things. I have to constantly remind myself, year after year, that I don't have to work for next to nothing (or nothing at all, for that matter). I am talented enough---I think I am talented enough---to make the big bucks, if I'm willing to reach that high. But it's a totally foreign idea to me. I'm too used to thinking small. It's hard to think big. And it's so scary---so much easier to cut myself off at the knees. But I can do it, because I have that thing, that what is it called? where you go back and forth between thinking you're garbage and then thinking you're Mighty Mouse in the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade. That's what I have. And if I can just BE Mighty Mouse every day, just wake up Mighty and stay Mighty all day long, I really could do this amazing thing. prev archive next 0 comments random |