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2002-06-11 | 8:43 a.m.

Maxine was out here for work this past week, and we spent the whole day together yesterday. It was fun but I am such a lunkhead I decided to make a roast and tortured her by making her spend four hours of a very hot day in my house with the oven on.

I can't believe I have known Maxine for ten years. I really need to start living in the present. I had another dream the other night in which Brian, my ex--we broke up ten years ago, around the same time I met Maxine--played the part of Duff, my current. I hate that my brain fucks with me this way, and makes me wonder if I have some sort of subconscious problem. I would rather just have the problem and not wonder about it than not have the problem and be reminded of the possibility all the time. It becomes a kind of self-fulfilling prophecy.

Anyway, I wish I could have been a little more high-energy for Maxine but I was 1) on my period, 2) experiencing hot weather (with oven) and 3) still decompressing from the girls' superbusy last week of school. (I know it shouldn't take so long but what can I say? It does.) The last two times we've seen each other were when I was out that way, in Michigan and Ohio, and I was on "vacation" (it's never really a vacation when you are visiting someone else's relatives, but at least there are other people around to entertain the kids), so I could spend more time and attention on her. Plus, she was doing all the driving, whereas this time I was schlepping down to Berkeley and back, which is a major undertaking for me nowadays.

Time to drop Jasper off at preschool. He still has two more days of school and then summer officially begins.

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