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2001-05-24 | 9:05 a.m.

Bad dream last night. Criminy and I are passengers on a small plane that gets shot down by some unseen enemy. Vague overtones of Central American intrigue. Her looking up at me with those enormous blue eyes as the plane nosedives. I take her hand. Then I wake up.

Of course I couldn't go back to sleep so I crawled in beside her on the futon. It wasn't as cozy as it sounds because her sister was sleeping perpendicular to her (while the twin bed we set up three weeks ago sat empty), so I had to lie at an angle. But that's okay.

Criminy was lying with her head close to the nightlight (which should be at her feet), so her face was glowing radioactive green. As soon as I got down there next to her she cuddled up to me quick, like she needed it. Usually she'll squirm away and kick me in the shins for emphasis. I started thinking about what I might have said to her if we really were going down in a plane crash (I know it's absurd and ultimately unthinkable but I'd just been through it and couldn't get it out of my head). I thought about how there's always at least a chance---small, small chance---that a person could survive a crash, so I could tell her what she ought to do if she did survive. That after the plane goes down---and it's going to be scary---even if Mommy can't help you, you need to stay safe until people come to help. People always come to help after a plane goes down. Try to stay in the same place. Stay put, don't wander off and lose your way.

Then I decided she wouldn't last long in the wilderness even if there wasn't a scratch on her, because my kids have zero survival skills. Criminy is about as self-sufficient as Louis the Sun King. I suppose I ought to teach them some of that stuff. Not that I know much of it myself, but I know how to look it up.

I also reckoned that if I had time (before the plane crashed, I mean) I'd say that we should think about all the people who love us, and say their names out loud, in the hopes that their love would wrap us up and protect us. Not that I believe it would. I just think that if you're faced with imminent death, your last few moments should be as peaceful as possible. Just because we don't have heaven doesn't mean we have to die screaming.

Ugh. Okay, enough of THAT.

Duff's birthday today.

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