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2005-07-15 | 12:58 a.m.

Horrible bad mood. Hate everything. Want to move away and disappear. Get a boring job, get old, and die. Hate obligations. Wish I could be left alone. I hate that society has worked it out so we can't disconnect without joining a fucking cult. You have to have money to take a piss in this world and I HATE it. I just want to dig a tunnel and live in it. What I don't understand is how all those people in Louisiana and Arkansas manage to hang onto their little SHACKS. You know? If they have no money, how do they live? And all those people unemployed in the UK for years and years, where did they live? How did they get by? I don't understand it.

I just hate everything right now. Feel as if I cannot even take a breath without owing somebody something for it. But then there are people who are not worried all the time. How can they be so carefree? How can I be carefree? I want to live by the sea, and work as little as possible for the privilege, til some little brown mosquito comes by and infects me with a wasting disease. Thin at last, I'll die with no one around to hear my final bon mots. I'll rot the laminate flooring through before someone thinks to check on me. After my body is removed, long-haired vandals will come through the windows to smoke cigarettes in my parlor. They'll break the glass in my picture frames, turn on all the faucets before they leave, and that will be the end of me and all my possessions.

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