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2005-02-10 | 11:44 p.m.

Feeling sad. Don't know why. Or maybe I do. It doesn't matter. I'm just tired.

Haven't been on the computer much lately. Got on tonight because something I very much need was supposed to be arriving by e-mail, but it's not there. Started going through the e-mail, sifting, because I let it go too long. I always do.

Found a cryptic note from two days ago implying that something has happened to my friend Birgit from the publishing house. Like a stroke, or an aneurysm, something like that. I wrote back but will have to wait for more information.

I found another message from last year that contained a link to a twenty-year-old picture of Stephen. I suspect the link didn't work when I first tried it out, a year ago. So it was like a little gift to find it now. Fun at first but now that I am feeling melancholic, a little sad.

Sad sacking. I haven't heard from Stephen in a long time, though I expected to. I wonder if he is mad at me?

Last night/this morning I dreamed I married Frank. Not so we could have sex (thank goodness) but so we could spend more time together. He was married to Fiona, too. It was all right.

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