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2002-04-13 | 5:08 p.m.

Letter from Leo. He sees "Jew-haters" where I see strange bedfellows. I don't know how to answer him. Enervating letter. Should I chalk it up to too much wine, or write a careful reply? (Mini-rant: I hate writing careful replies when I know I have no chance of changing a person's mind. It's a fucking waste of time, and I'm very, very selfish about my time.)

What if he is right, and it is all anti-Semitism disguised as something else? He's in Europe, where the synagogues and other Jewish institutions are being attacked. He lost family members in the Holocaust. I understand that part of it. Maybe I am a moron who has been reading the wrong newspapers for the last 15 years. I'm not so sure. It's complicated. He doesn't seem to realize how far apart we are on this issue. Because I am a good listener? I admit *I* didn't realize how far apart we were, either.

At this age, it is not so much about learning new things all the time as it is about being reminded of things I already know but have forgotten, or at least have pushed to the back of my mind. Once something like this is pointed out to me, I wonder how I could have been living without it for so long. It's a funny feeling and helps to reinforce my self-doubt.

Anyway, the person who did the reminding in this instance was Patrick, the occasionally vitriolic he of my problematical mailing list, and what he said was this: Don't take sides. Actually, he said it better than that, in a conversation with Christopher (whose comments appear in angle brackets):

Your attachment to Israel is purely emotional; we just happen to recognize who they are and we are familiar with their way of life. There's nothing logical about picking a side. Yes, it's probably true that the Palestinian suicide bombers want to annihilate the Jews, just as West Bankers want to annihilate the Arabs. But you can't expect the average Palestinian not to succumb to hairbrained conspiracy theories when their lack of education and vulnerability to such ideas have everything to do with their status.

Christopher wrote:

<< As it is, I continue, rightly or wrongly, to feel culturally and historically sympathetic with the Israelis in this situation... >>

And Patrick responded:

That's pretty much been my point. There's no other explanation. But if I were Jewish listening to you it wouldn't make me feel particularly safe. The moment the Israelis take a position you don't like, you'll consider them ungrateful. "Boy, I felt so much historical and cultural sympathy for those people, and now they have to act up like this."

Boom. I recognized a place I had arrived at when I was thinking a lot about the conflict in Northern Ireland, and I knew it was absolutely true. You cannot look for the worse bully because they are both bullies and in many ways, neither is a bully at all, because think how many people DON'T blow anybody up and suffer for it anyway.

But it can be hard to keep up, this idea. So much easier to lay blame.

I hope this makes sense because I don't really have any more time to write.

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