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2002-03-09 | 6:45 p.m.

I had an a-ha moment this week that I thought I would share with you, or to be a little more high-falutin' about it, an epiphany. Actually, epiphany isn't quite right, either, since I'd been having little mini-ephiphanies on the same subject leading up to it all along, then I'd forget about it, until it all sort of came together for me the other day. So I guess you could say it was more along the lines of a multiple orgasm. Not that I'm entirely sure I believe in multiply orgasmic women. Why? Because in my experience, anybody who is describing the phenomenon to me tends to be----coincidentally enough----completely full of shit. Usually it's some wink-wink-nudge-nudger who's going, "Oh ho ho, believe you me, she WAS multiply orgasmic, ANYTHING could set her off," as if this were a testament to his prowess. Quite the opposite, if you think about it. I mean, you could be a zucchini, right? It's just like the "high rollers" who come to the casinos and think they're hot shit because they get treated like kings, never realizing that to casino upper management, the definition of "high roller" is a person who loses waaaaay more money than the average loser, and if they didn't already call them high rollers they could call them super-losers, or losers to the tenth power, or something like that. Some of these people really seem to think that the casino is comping them rooms, shows, and meals because they're so much cooler than everybody else. Bwah hah! No, the guy who's telling me about his multiply orgasmic conquests is also someone I can easily imagine saying, 'Was that, uh----did you go?'" I'm thinking this guy wouldn't know a fake orgasm if it were a pre-recorded message from a blow-up doll.

Then there is the woman here in Northern California who claims to be able to have a single orgasm sustained over a period of an hour, four hours, whatever you want. She and her husband go around demonstrating this Tantric "talent" at seminars. From what I understand, they're up there on stage, and her husband gets her off, and she goes "uh, uh, ah, ah, oh, oh" for like 20 minutes, an hour, whatever. I think she's at least 50, too.

Is that something we should all aspire to, then? I'm not so sure. I can do four or five a night, though I haven't lately, and I wouldn't mind stretching out the duration a bit longer, but honestly, at a certain point it just becomes ludicrous to me. I can't enjoy myself if I feel like I'm in any kind of competition, or if anything is being counted. I don't want to do anything for show.

OK, so what was I talking about? Oh, right. Abort tangent, abort tangent. I think I'd better start over now.

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