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2001-07-06 | 2:10 p.m.

An anorexic looks in the mirror and sees someone who is fat. Or, once she has starved herself down to almost nothing, she thinks she looks like an ordinary girl.

I am the opposite of the anorexic. I often forget that I'm fat because usually when I look in the mirror, I see an ordinary woman. Sometimes I even think I look pretty. Over time, I have trained myself to see my reflection as it appears to other people, but it takes an effort (and a full-length mirror).

If I have to buy a special outfit, then it's easier to see my fat self. I see her more and more clearly as I move from one unfulfilling dressing room to the next. But ordinarily? No.

There is a fitness center in B--- that I am thinking of trying. Their motto is "No Judgments." This appeals to me because being judged is probably my biggest hurdle (after simple inertia). Whenever I entertain the idea of joining a gym, all I have to think of is one word---calipers---and I lose interest completely. But I would like to work out because I know it would give me more energy eventually (though at first, it will just make me incredibly sleepy in the evenings, which feels a lot like it is never going to give me more energy, but they tell me it really works). And then if there are additional benefits, that would be all right too.

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