prev on following my instincts next
2002-06-08 | 6:16 p.m.

Yesterday was the last day of school and I can't help but feel like today is the first day of the rest of my life. It's not that I think homeschooling...

Ah, Jesus. I'm trying to write about being happy and Duff is out in the living room bellowing at the kids and I can't sustain the mood. I listen to him and my mercury drops. They are supposed to be going to play soccer, but Felony is wearing corduroy pants, which are apparently inappropriate, and Jasper has helped himself to a slice of bread without finishing it, which prompts a lecture that is bigger than Jasper is. Duff doesn't seem to get the blah Ginger principle.*

Okay, they've gone on their outing. So now I can say that it's not that I think homeschooling is a one-way ticket to happiness. I just feel good about REALLY listening to myself right now. I feel a little timid talking about homeschooling sometimes, but I realized yesterday that if we don't do this, I will be kicking myself for the rest of my life, wondering what might have been. Though it isn't always a good reason to do something, it can be a powerful motivator.

When I really listen to myself, I feel calm.

I want to do this because:

1. I want my kids to learn in a meaningful and joyful way, able to pursue knowledge and understanding in a natural and purposeful way. Not in ten- or twenty-minute increments.

2. I can! How many people ever get this opportunity? I'm a fool if I squander it.

3. I want my kids to be challenged and energized by new information and experiences, instead of coasting along.

Sometimes it only takes a small incident to really set a plan in motion. I think I was really motivated to take this step by something that happened when I was working in the reading lab. At the time, I was still waffling on whether or not to homeschool. At the practical level, I can think of reasons for and against, and left to my own devices, I can swing between those two poles for a mighty long time.

Anyway I was in the reading lab and it was toward the end of the semester, when all the classes were tied up with state testing. That meant even though I was there to volunteer, there were no kids to work with. So I busied myself for a while with this and that and eventually I picked up my daughter Criminy's work folder. I flipped through it and discovered her original assessment test in the back. I was surprised, almost sheepish, that I had never noticed it there before. (I had looked at plenty of the other kids' tests.)

Now the thing that you need to know is that Criminy was, as far as I was ever able to determine, the best reader in first grade. There was another kid who could read as fast as she could, but his comprehension didn't come close. So where his visits to the reading lab tapered off, she just picked up steam.

The reading levels used in this program were by common agreement conservative. Most of the "bright" first-graders started out at level .8, which corresponded to the eighth month of kindergarten. But another standard reading assessment would have ranked them higher. Felony started out at level .8 at the beginning of the school year, along with lots of other kids who were considered a little advanced. (The rest of the first-graders couldn't read that well. Hell, some of them couldn't even write their names or recognize their ABC's.)

Okay, so back to Criminy's original assessment test. She aced the .8 test, reading about 30 words per minute. On to the 1.0 test. She scored about 33 WPM. Then the level 1.3 test she got something like 36 WPM. Then she took the level 1.5 test and scored maybe 39 WPM. Next she took the level 1.8 test and scored 45 WPM! Wow, that's really something! But at this point, however, she complained that she was "tired of taking tests." So what did the teacher do? She placed Criminy in level 1.8.

When I saw that, I was mildly disgusted. I don't want to make it sound like I was furious or anything, because I wasn't. I know Criminy, and when she gets to complaining and whining, there's no talking to her. But here's the thing. She was scoring better with each test and making minimal errors--nothing that would suggest that she was having difficulty. Nothing to prompt the teacher to stop except Criminy's complaining. But they stopped there, and no one ever re-tested her. By the time the year ended, Criminy had worked her way up to level 2.5, which she was able to complete without difficulty. The difficulty was in keeping her in her seat, because she would often whine about having to do it. To her, it was just busy work. It was always clear to me that this work was not particularly challenging for her, but I hesitated to challenge the program head's placement decision. I liked these teachers very much and I didn't want to create tension between us.

Near the end of the year, though, and before I saw the original assessment test, I did pull out a level 5.0 assessment test, just for kicks, and tested Criminy on it. She scored 61 WPM with three errors. That's supposed to be fifth-grade reading level, yet her comprehension was acceptable.

My point is this. A teacher heard Criminy say she wanted to stop, and that's what happened. The teacher thought, well, she did a great job, and I'm not going to push her. As her mother, I would've said, okay, let's take a break, and after a couple of days I would've started testing her again to see where she tapped out. I think that's reasonable. Not because I want to push her past her breaking point, but because I want to find out where her sweet spot would be. The place where she would be able to read, yet picking up lots of new words, too. Instead of knowing ALL the words already. That's what testing is all about!

I don't want to keep the kids home so that I can burden them with assessment tests. I just realized from that experience that even the best teachers don't care as much about your kids as you do. How could they? They have so many kids to juggle and so many needs to meet. It was a decision based on expediency and a general sense of what is appropriate. I understand that. But I'm hoping that by having just my three to work with, I can keep things interesting for all of them.

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