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2001-06-04 | 12:53 p.m.

When the girls started kindergarten, I worried about bullies. (I still do.) So I taught them a phrase to use if they ever felt threatened: Back off, Bucko. Since then, this phrase has taken on an almost talismanic quality. We remind ourselves of it from time to time, savoring the sound of it. The girls feel a little more powerful with it at their disposal. It is like a precious defensive weapon resting in a velvet-lined case in their vocabulary. I just heard Criminy say it in the other room. Apparently one of the other girls in Felony's class told her to shut up today ("shut up" and "stupid" are things we've asked the kids not to say at home, so they think of them as curse words). So Criminy was reminding her that she could always invoke it if the stakes were high enough. But I don't think the other girl, Carmen, truly hurt Felony's feelings, because in the car she told me she wanted to write a letter to Carmen to help her learn her ABC's.

The girls seem to be more thick-skinned than I was at their age. Perhaps because they've always had each other for friendship, and because neither of their parents has ever disappeared, and because they have lots of activities to validate their self-worth and all sorts of other reasons. Meanwhile, I still feel slighted at the least provocation.

By the way, if you're concerned that we've unduly censored them by asking them not to use "shut up" and "stupid" on others, rest assured that they are allowed to call people JERKS--which is sure to bag one of them a detention sometime soon---or just about anything else they like, as long as it's truthful. I want them to be respectful if at all possible, and most kids use "shut up" and "stupid" so reflexively that I made that a rule from day one. We don't have too many other rules, really. Well, except for All the Pepsi belongs to Mama.

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