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2001-03-31 | 9:10 a.m.

Jasper, who is pushing three, has had a veritable phobia about potty training, and we've had enormous trouble getting him even to sit on his potty seat--much less use it. So this morning while I'm doing dishes, Felony announces to me that Jasper has removed his fresh diaper (for the hundredth time), swinging the still velcro'd diaper around over her head like a lasso. So I say, "Fine. Let him go without." (Did I mention it was the last diaper in the house?)

Fifteen minutes later, Jasper is yanking on my dress. "Mommy! I need my diapoo back on right now!" He is frantic. I can tell he knows he has to go to the bathroom, but I'm still washing dishes so I ask Duff to take him upstairs and put him on his potty seat. Thankfully, Duff acts quickly. We must take advantage of such opportunities when they arise.

Because we are making such a fuss, the girls get interested and want to stay in the bathroom with the guys. I explain that Jasper needs privacy and shut them out of the bathroom. Soon I hear Duff loudly banishing the girls from the bathroom again. They come downstairs pulling long faces. They're so disappointed to think they might miss the first tinkle. It's a Special Moment and they're always included in Special Moments.

A few minutes later, I hear Duff yelling again, first to Felony, then to Criminy. They have each tried to sneak into the bathroom, hoping to be overlooked in the excitement. Again they come downstairs pouting. Criminy is actually on the verge of tears. "I was just trying to give Jasper a package!" she huffs. I tell them they have to sit on the couch for five minutes since they have disregarded orders two times now. I explain about privacy again, but nobody's listening. Criminy is beside herself. "Why can't we watch Jasper go potty!?!" she shrieks as she walks to the couch. "It's really not that interesting," I say drily. "Yes it is!" she insists. "Especially if it's the first time!"

Eventually the two men emerge from the sanctum. The girls trumpet their arrival with news that Jasper has triumphed over his fears and used the potty for the first time. All rejoice, and phone calls are made.

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