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prev havoc and chill next
2003-01-31 | 5:08 p.m.

I started writing a response to Patrick, whom Iíve never met, who writes to the mailing list Iím on from the other side of the country, and who manages every so often to make me feel hopping mad, upset, crying, deeply uncomfortable, self-conscious, self-loathing, and occasionally all of the above. I was looking up all this stuff about war and Christianity, trying to make a simple statement about how Jesus was a pacifist, and then I couldnít even get a good firm grasp on that, because any time you try to find something out on the Internet (like quotes that would prove Jesus was indeed a pacifist) there are going to be an infinite number of red herrings, too. Then my friend Mike called because she was feeling low and after that, I didnít feel like justifying anything to Patrick anymore. As I wrote to Stephen a few minutes ago, Iím simply not forensic at all. Iím almost completely anecdotal.

One thing I hate is arguing for argument's sake. Especially with people I don't entirely trust to coddle my feelings. If you (I) know somebody really well, you (I) can get into an intellectual disagreement with them and emerge relatively unscathed, because you (I) know at the end that they still love you more or less as much as they did when you started. But Patrick makes no such promises and actually goes out of his way to try to discomfit people. Which I don't necessarily think is always a bad thing, but for me, a hyper-sensitive person, it tends to engender a kind of passionate havoc. Reliably.

So what I did was create a filter for the mailing list. I don't want to quit the list entirely, but this way if it's getting a little heated for me, I can kind of ignore it for a while.

So now it's just gonna be me and the FlyLady. And the spammers.

Maybe I should get up and walk around for a bit. Shake off this chill.

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